Understand what a “good” reference is
There is no such thing as a reference that assures that you will be offered a job or admission to a program. Employers may not even contact references until they are down to one candidate. Grad schools may compare references of a short-list of candidates but it is essential that the references are accurate, or the unimpressive performance of a student with an inflated reference will ruin the referee’s reputation for future students. A “good” reference is not an emphatically positive reference that insists that the candidate is the best person to choose. A “good” reference is an accurate reflection of the referee’s impression of you.
In being honest in their responses, most referees will not go out of their way to speak negatively—even if you have many weaknesses. In fact, it is not necessary to speak negatively. It is enough not to elaborate on positives, or to highlight the positive aspect of a trait that was negative in the situation. For example:
The professor says:
“In the course he did with me, he was always willing to seek advice. He did not hesitate to check that his work was meeting my expectations.”
The professor meant:
The student who had little capability to problem solve independently and spent a total of three hours on five occasions with the professor getting advice on a 15% assignment.
The recipient of this reference understands:
This person will require a lot of supervision. That may not necessarily be a bad thing and may be appropriate for certain positions.
If the question is asked outright “how good a problem solver is he?” a referee would probably not say “he was awful.” The referee would be more likely to say something like, “with ongoing support he may develop better problem solving skills.”
Do not ask whether the professor can give a “good” reference or a recommendation
The desire to screen your references is understandable and some people would advise that you ask people outright whether they can give you a good reference, but my opinion is that you should not. Some people are uncomfortable and will not answer accurately. More importantly, there is no such thing as a “good” reference, just an honest and unbiased reference from a well-chosen referee. Until the referee receives the questions, it is possible that there will be one that cannot be answered with unconditional praise.
Choosing your referees is an exercise in looking into yourself and identifying where you have done your best work, not by looking outward at the potential referees, trying to pick the one who seems most agreeable to give a recommendation in your favour. Some professors will come across quite critical and tough with you and others will give you primarily positive comments and encouragement. Do not mistake this for our sum-total impression of you. It is a matter of personal style and the way we each think we can encourage the best performance from you. When faced with the reference letter, form, or phone call, we will all give an honest reference, for better or worse, based on your performance. The choice of who to ask should be based on who has seen you at your best, not your perception of who seems to be most impressed by you.
That said, it may be worthwhile before you reach the stage of applying for certain jobs or grad programs that you have a conversation with professors to get their impression of whether you would be suited to graduate school or career X, Y or Z. If a professor does not outright encourage that particular pathway, or suggests other options to you, you might infer that the professor would rate you lower than others in one or more key attributes, and hence an honest reference would reflect that. If the professor suggests reading material, informational interviews, or other exploratory exercises, you should follow these recommendations and come back to discuss your evolving thinking. You may find that you have new insights to what you want to pursue and your professor sounds more enthusiastic about the match between your attributes and the plan.
Your professor’s agreement to be a reference is an agreement to spend the time considering your qualities and completing the requisite letters or forms, or taking the phone calls from the potential employer, and to give an unbiased and honest appraisal of your qualities within the criteria that are asked. A reference is not a recommendation that you are accepted for the grad program or hired for the job, just an appraisal of your abilities.
